A friend recently started talking to this new guy who, for whatever reason, demanded that she punctuate correctly whilst they engaged in informal text or Blackberry messenger conversations. Ok...punctuation – no problem! Except that his spelling was so horrible that he needed Jesus to punctuate his sentences to save them from the sin of his misspellings. (He wants to be reimbursted for all practicle intense and purposes).
Yet another friend was in a relationship with a guy who had the gumption to request that she bring along a friend to join in their carnal festivities. The request itself was not appalling. What confused her was that what he was bringing to the table was less entertaining than fireworks and candy… or watching paint dry , for that matter. So his request to add another party to a situation where the person already involved was less than satisfied was just baffling on all fronts…and backs.
My point is that Unreasonableness is easy to recognize. You know who this unreasonable person is in your circle and you know what to expect, right? (hopefully you don’t know more than one, and if you do you need new friends).
We all have that one friend. You know what I mean! The one that when you answer the phone you wished you had screened the call. One friend that always needs a ride, some money, or a listening ear that bleeds from endless hours of whining repeatedly about his/her crazy lover. It’s the same friend that is nowhere to be found when you have a problem. You can rely on this friend about as much as you can rely on a goat to recite Shakespeare.
But what if… you are that person? What if you are the one that can’t spell, but asks others to punctuate or the one with subpar sex for “one” who wants to bring another to the party?
If you are indeed -->that guy/gal<-- I sincerely hope that you have friends that tell you like it is. That is the most certain way to stay aware of your level of unreasonableness. Unfortunately everyone does not have friends that give it to ‘em straight up, no chaser.
After all we are human and, so being imperfect.
As fate would have it, my concern here is the disagreeable lover. That may be you. It may be your partner. It could definitely be the friend that drains you through your ears of your entire blood supply.
The disagreeable/unreasonable lover is one that always wants a significant other who meets a list of requirements. The unreasonable lover (UL) also likes the significant other to bring things and qualities to the table that he/she cannot produce him/herself.
I can see you now nodding your head in agreement, as if you haven’t been guilty of this in the past. None of us are immune to the UL. As a matter of fact, I will risk betting that being unreasonable is the reason at least 40% of people who will read this are single and having trouble finding or staying in a serious relationship (read: friendship as well) . (figure attained from the Institute of the Recesses of my Brain).
Bottom line is you cannot ask someone to:
a) provide things that you cannot first provide for yourself
b) do things for the relationship that you are unwilling to do.
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