In the “I Confess” column of the January 1, 2011 edition of the Nation Newspaper, a letter was published that caused me immense distress.
The writer (let’s call her Bi-Why) mentions that her man is “a good lover”, respectful, “patient and tolerant”; he actually listens, seeks to “build her confidence”, is not focused solely on sex but is however, “fantastic in bed… and extremely sensitive to [her] responses”, and treats her better than any man has treated her before; he likes to dress nicely and keeps a neat appearance. Oh and he has a found a friend in lotion (“…his elbows are not white…”).
*crickets* Yea so ummm…. What is the problem?????
These are all good attributes that many women are currently seeking in a mate (wid nuh luck at all).
Well, she alludes to something that concerns her:
[. . .] he encourages me to play with him with my fingers, and when I do this he behaves in a manner I have never experienced with a man before.
*Gasp* (not really).
Fine, everyone is allowed to have concerns in a relationship – it’s normal. But Bi-Why’s concern only arises after she discusses her relationship with her bff who advises Bi-Why that her boyfriend may be bisexual.
Let me be clear that my intention and purpose here is not to ridicule. From here on out I am speaking to everyone, with the above situation as a reference.
In Bi-Why’s case, There are a number of mistakes, which we all commonly make that ruin good relationships.
Letting outsiders influence your happiness in your relationship. I’m sure all your friends will have good intentions and try to protect you from heartache (sarcastic much?). Someone told me once to never tell your friends about what is going on in your sex life, because that stirs up curiosity. And we dun know how many cats curiosity send to de gallows! What happens in your bedroom (or wherever else you like to get freaky) is your business! Bi-Why mentioned no problems or unease in the relationship prior to her BFF planting that seed of doubt!
Stop relying on de girls or de fellas to fix your problems with their magnificent advice. Keep it 100! All your “friends” are not your friends and as such (a) don’t actually want your relationship to work and therefore (b) should not be advising you on relationships. If you must consult a friend, it should be the one or few that you trust the most, with a most objective perspective, and a genuine concern for you. Your relationship is not meant for public consumption!
You are in a relationship with him/her not your girls or boys- Take up your issues with your spouse. Your girlfriend should not find out from your best friend’s girlfriend that you don’t like her going out to the club 4 nights a week.
If you don’t trust him/her then why are you with them?- Trust is the cornerstone of every relationship. If Bi-Why is looking at him wondering if those same hands have caressed a man’s face, and the thought has done irreparable damage to her security and trust in the relationship, then she should do the right thing and move on. Staying in a relationship with no trust is basically volunteering to be tortured (not in the S&M way either).
Read the signs-They are always signs. Oprah is right. You have to pay attention. Since Bi-Why has stated that this is not the first man she has engaged in anal play with, if Bi-Why’s boyfriend is indeed bisexual then something more significant than well-lotion elbows & a hair cut every week will have to suffice.
The writer (let’s call her Bi-Why) mentions that her man is “a good lover”, respectful, “patient and tolerant”; he actually listens, seeks to “build her confidence”, is not focused solely on sex but is however, “fantastic in bed… and extremely sensitive to [her] responses”, and treats her better than any man has treated her before; he likes to dress nicely and keeps a neat appearance. Oh and he has a found a friend in lotion (“…his elbows are not white…”).
*crickets* Yea so ummm…. What is the problem?????
These are all good attributes that many women are currently seeking in a mate (wid nuh luck at all).
Well, she alludes to something that concerns her:
[. . .] he encourages me to play with him with my fingers, and when I do this he behaves in a manner I have never experienced with a man before.
*Gasp* (not really).
Fine, everyone is allowed to have concerns in a relationship – it’s normal. But Bi-Why’s concern only arises after she discusses her relationship with her bff who advises Bi-Why that her boyfriend may be bisexual.
Let me be clear that my intention and purpose here is not to ridicule. From here on out I am speaking to everyone, with the above situation as a reference.
In Bi-Why’s case, There are a number of mistakes, which we all commonly make that ruin good relationships.
Letting outsiders influence your happiness in your relationship. I’m sure all your friends will have good intentions and try to protect you from heartache (sarcastic much?). Someone told me once to never tell your friends about what is going on in your sex life, because that stirs up curiosity. And we dun know how many cats curiosity send to de gallows! What happens in your bedroom (or wherever else you like to get freaky) is your business! Bi-Why mentioned no problems or unease in the relationship prior to her BFF planting that seed of doubt!
Stop relying on de girls or de fellas to fix your problems with their magnificent advice. Keep it 100! All your “friends” are not your friends and as such (a) don’t actually want your relationship to work and therefore (b) should not be advising you on relationships. If you must consult a friend, it should be the one or few that you trust the most, with a most objective perspective, and a genuine concern for you. Your relationship is not meant for public consumption!
You are in a relationship with him/her not your girls or boys- Take up your issues with your spouse. Your girlfriend should not find out from your best friend’s girlfriend that you don’t like her going out to the club 4 nights a week.
If you don’t trust him/her then why are you with them?- Trust is the cornerstone of every relationship. If Bi-Why is looking at him wondering if those same hands have caressed a man’s face, and the thought has done irreparable damage to her security and trust in the relationship, then she should do the right thing and move on. Staying in a relationship with no trust is basically volunteering to be tortured (not in the S&M way either).
Read the signs-They are always signs. Oprah is right. You have to pay attention. Since Bi-Why has stated that this is not the first man she has engaged in anal play with, if Bi-Why’s boyfriend is indeed bisexual then something more significant than well-lotion elbows & a hair cut every week will have to suffice.
