YFB February Issue-Style-Love n' Relationships {Niki H}

In the “I Confess” column of the January 1, 2011 edition of the Nation Newspaper, a letter was published that caused me immense distress.

The writer (let’s call her Bi-Why) mentions that her man is “a good lover”, respectful, “patient and tolerant”; he actually listens, seeks to “build her confidence”, is not focused solely on sex but is however, “fantastic in bed… and extremely sensitive to [her] responses”, and treats her better than any man has treated her before; he likes to dress nicely and keeps a neat appearance. Oh and he has a found a friend in lotion (“…his elbows are not white…”).

*crickets* Yea so ummm…. What is the problem?????

These are all good attributes that many women are currently seeking in a mate (wid nuh luck at all).

Well, she alludes to something that concerns her:

[. . .] he encourages me to play with him with my fingers, and when I do this he behaves in a manner I have never experienced with a man before.

*Gasp* (not really).

Fine, everyone is allowed to have concerns in a relationship – it’s normal. But Bi-Why’s concern only arises after she discusses her relationship with her bff who advises Bi-Why that her boyfriend may be bisexual.

Let me be clear that my intention and purpose here is not to ridicule.  From here on out I am speaking to everyone, with the above situation as a reference.

In Bi-Why’s case, There are a number of mistakes, which we all commonly make that ruin good relationships.

Letting outsiders influence your happiness in your relationship. I’m sure all your friends will have good intentions and try to protect you from heartache (sarcastic much?). Someone told me once to never tell your friends about what is going on in your sex life, because that stirs up curiosity. And we dun know how many cats curiosity send to de gallows! What happens in your bedroom (or wherever else you like to get freaky) is your business! Bi-Why mentioned no problems or unease in the relationship prior to her BFF planting that seed of doubt!

Stop relying on de girls or de fellas to fix your problems with their magnificent advice. Keep it 100! All your “friends” are not your friends and as such (a) don’t actually want your relationship to work and therefore (b) should not be advising you on relationships. If you must consult a friend, it should be the one or few that you trust the most, with a most objective perspective, and a genuine concern for you. Your relationship is not meant for public consumption!

You are in a relationship with him/her not your girls or boys- Take up your issues with your spouse. Your girlfriend should not find out from your best friend’s girlfriend that you don’t like her going out to the club 4 nights a week.

If you don’t trust him/her then why are you with them?- Trust is the cornerstone of every relationship. If Bi-Why is looking at him wondering if those same hands have caressed a man’s face, and the thought has done irreparable damage to her security and trust in the relationship, then she should do the right thing and move on. Staying in a relationship with no trust is basically volunteering to be tortured (not in the S&M way either).

Read the signs-They are always signs. Oprah is right. You have to pay attention. Since Bi-Why has stated that this is not the first man she has engaged in anal play with, if Bi-Why’s boyfriend is indeed bisexual then something more significant than well-lotion elbows & a hair cut every week will have to suffice.

YFB February Issue- Style- Health n Fitness {Dre J}

If the extent of your daily exercise regimen is to search for the remote control for the television or going to the refrigerator for a midnight snack, then unfortunately you living a sedentary lifestyle which places you at risk for the many health complications which go hand in hand with being a ‘couch potato’. Being active doesn’t mean you have to be a fitness fanatic, but an increase in your daily activity can start with a 30 minute walk.

FACT: A lack of physical activity is one of the leading PREVENTABLE causes of death worldwide.

FACT: A sedentary lifestyle can contribute to or be a risk factor for:

•Anxiety
•Cardiovascular disease
•Depression
•Diabetes
•High blood pressure
•Obesity
•Osteoporosis

Another risk is muscle atrophy - the shrinking and weakening of muscles which subsequently makes them more susceptible to physical injury, so it’s like they say if you don't use it you lose it. This is usually associated with persons in their senescence, but can also be found in younger generations. It should be noted that there is a direct link between physical activity and the human immune system, less activity equates to a weaker immune system.

Sedentary lifestyles carry with it the same risks as SMOKING, and we all know smoking kills. Physical activity at any level can: make the heart stronger; reduce blood pressure; help control stress levels and help maintain or lose weight.

Some exercise is better than none, so let's get out there and get active.

YFB February Issue- Style-Fashion n' Beauty {Paula J}

Beauty is skin deep. What is inside the black woman, or any woman regardless of ethnicity, is of tantamount importance if not much more important than her weave, false lashes, afro, any of it. But ladies (and gents brave enough to read this) the body is a temple and it must be treated as such – what people see and most importantly what you see when you step in front of the mirror can make or break your day, your week even your life!

So what does the young, fabulous, Bajan gal do to keep on top of her game? We can’t fit all that into one article so (permission to be redundant?) I’ll start at the beginning – skin care. Now guys don’t stop reading just yet, skin care is asexual… like Godzilla? I just lost my one reader. Cleansing, toning and moisturizing daily are the three basic steps all of us can take – men, women, and even children to ensure we avoid breakouts, wrinkles, and a variety of skin ailments and remain beautiful on the outside. The face is the most exposed part of the body so it requires our care and attention. P.S Ladies, clean skin is the best palate for your fabulous makeup!

Welcome to the Best 5 Minutes of Your Life

And I promise you will not have to call your ex! All you need is warm water, a wash cloth, facial cleanser or foaming face wash, toner, after shave (for men) or daily acne cleansing pads, cotton balls (or suitable equivalent) and a daily moisturizer with at least SPF 15.

Step 1 – Cleansing:
Moisten the wash cloth with warm water. Then moisten the face using both hands starting at the base of the neck and working up to the face with upward and outward circular motions.  Next take a nickel-sized portion of facial cleanser and dab small amounts of it all over the face and neck. Then moisten fingertips with the warm water and work in small circular motions upward and outward starting on the neck and working up to the face. Once we’re all covered then we use warm water to rinse that off thoroughly.

Step 2 – Toning
Using the toner, after shave, or cleansing pads you need to cover the cleansed surface of the neck and face. I usually put a small portion of it on a cotton ball and rub the solution and my neck and face in the same upward and outward motions used for cleansing. Why do we keep using these upward and outward motions? This gentle massage is doing the skin wonders and you’ll thank me in your 60’s! I know you’re with me now.

Step 3 – Last one! Let’s moisturize…
Dab small drops of moisturizer on each side of the neck, chin, lower jaw, on each cheek, each side of the nose, each eye lid, each temple and about three dabs across the forehead. Smooth the lotion all over the neck and face (I know you see it coming) in upward and outward circular motions as before. By now you may feel exhausted just reading it. But as my closest girlfriends will point out much to my embarrassment, if I can do it in all my lazy glory then anyone can! Of course there is more… much much more to skin care but what reason would you have to read next issue if I said it all now?

YFB February Issue- Music- Azman 'De First Wun' {Risse C}

From the get go Azman established that they aren't your average quartet, but a coalition of young men who are willing to push the envelope where local music is concerned. Their debut album 'De First Wun' which dropped in 2009, is lyrically multifaceted - from the daily struggles of Barbadian youths to battling with de girls bumpa in de fete to the lackluster approach  by local deejays and radio stations to Barbadian music.
 

 Azman is the collaboration of four immensely talented young men- Levitance, Dee, Doddy and Gibbzy Dan. A group who has pioneered their own genre, known as fling, there is no questioning their originality. One must agree, some of the content calls for an in-depth knowledge of Barbadian culture and slang that is readily used to spit the ciphers which require an attentive ear and a sharp mind.
 

From the sound of the bell in the introduction, you get the impression that a battle is about to ensue, but listening to tracks such as 'Still Livin', 'Play On' and 'Dreams', you begin to realize the challenge is present but the nemesis varies according to the situation. Regardless of a mother telling you to stop wasting time with music and get to the books, a dead end job or a radio station who lost your cds, Azman presses forward in the face of all obstacles.

The flipside of Azman however, brings the 'wufflessness' to the fore, with 'Too Wutliss', 'Wuffliness' and 'Gurl Child', you get a play by play of the social interactions in the fete, from the tease to the chase. Mesmerized but not willing to accept defeat, they stand their ground when 'de girls pooch back de bumpas'.
At varying intervals, you come across individual tracks from each member, simply entitled 'Unorthodox'. Needless to say, these solo tracks only reaffirm the potecy of each member, which meshes beautifully to create the Azman sound.

In the closing track, are snippets of spoken word from the popular poet Adrian Greene. This throws the final nails in the coffin, regarding the fickle nature of the support that local artistes who strive to produce local vocals receive. With no sugarcoating whatsoever, they lay it down to the nitty gritty, not losing the metaphorical twist which they are known for, but casting light on the grave issues which they faced on their musical journey.

Azman, the real real bajan music, with the adequate amount of dialect, metaphors and alliterations, coupled with effortless flow, in de words of Barabus in 'Represent'-"I bring you Azman, is dem I recommend! Wuh tell me where you could find men dat could better dem?"

To hear more from Azman:

'De First Wun' Download here

See Azman's Myspace here

Follow them on Twitter here

Like them on Facebook here

YFB January Issue-People-iNDRANi {Risse C}

Indra Denys Rudder also known as iNDRANi is passionate and dedicated in all that she pursues, this young woman is an accomplished author/singer/songwriter/vocal coach-  powerhouse by definition.

Moving out at the age of 17, she worked 5 jobs to support herself, establishing independence at a very young age. A name synonymous with local and regional music, iNDRANi  got her start singing in local nightclubs with Legend, a group of which prominent calypsonian Natahlee Burke was also a member. From these humble beginnings, iNDRANi has become an icon in the local and regional music industry, with an impressive resume. Working with the likes of reggae kings Shaggy and Mr. Vegas and soca star Machel Montano HD, being the original voice for Sharon of the popular telecommunications ad for LIME, as well as the voice in the commercials and songs for popular DJs Verseewild , Lil Rick and Salt. No wonder she has 3 nominations at the 2011 Barbados Music Awards.

This busy bee has big plans for 2011, some of which include: the development of music in the public schools and children homes of Barbados, successfully releasing her album 'Goddess Wild' which features the single 'Stronger' along with a plethora of Bajan artistes and producers, and being part of the Bajan delegation at the MIDEM Conference in Cannes, France. iNDRANi would also like to collaborate with local artistes such as Teff, Damian Marvay, Shane'Blade'Free and Buggy. One might say that she lives up to her name, Indra is the name of the Hindu God of Gods responsible for power, thunder and drops of rain.

You are probably asking "wait she don stop?", and admittedly, Indra does struggle to balance her busy schedule with other aspects of life. Nothing short of a workaholic, she usually pushes herself to the limit in order to produce exceptional work. However, when the going gets too tough, she tries to bring some equilibrium to the scale. On her social side, she finds time to unwind by dancing, reading, watching movies, working out and cooking (her favourite). With reference to a Mr., she candidly states that there is none present at the moment, but when the time comes "he'll find me and life will make a beautiful space carved just for him". 

So how does iNDRANi feel about the Barbadian music industry? "Wha we got talent galore bout hey!" and she continues by stating the label signings of Bajan artistes come as no surprise to her, but cannot fathom why the powers that be keep letting others dip in our 'oil mine' of talent for free. More local music should be in rotation, artistes should receive better treatment and payment for performances and the government should invest in the talent because an artiste is a walking advertisement for the country.

When asked about persons who have made it all possible, iNDRANi lists numerous influences. After the Most Divine, she mentions her mother and Aunt Lorna along with her huge circle of friends. She gives credit to Barbadian musical icons such as Eddy Grant for teaching her everything she knows and Chris Allman for her first recording experience. Other noted were Viking Tundah, Minim of Million Dollar Music and Grammy nominated engineer and producer Jeff Glixman who bought her first guitar.

 

Ya want 3 words to sum she up?
'Full ah love, talented an brave ya see she dey'

iNDRANi Links: Twitter | Myspace | Youtube | iNDRANi's Blog | iNDRANimusic

YFB January Issue-Style-Love n' Relationships {Niki H}

A friend recently started talking to this new guy who, for whatever reason, demanded that she punctuate correctly whilst they engaged in informal text or Blackberry messenger conversations.
Ok...punctuation – no problem! Except that his spelling was so horrible that he needed Jesus to punctuate his sentences to save them from the sin of his misspellings. (He wants to be reimbursted for all practicle intense and purposes).

Yet another friend was in a relationship with a guy who had the gumption to request that she bring along a friend to join in their carnal festivities.  The request itself was not appalling. What confused her was that what he was bringing to the table was less entertaining than fireworks and candy… or watching paint dry , for that matter. So his request to add another party to a situation where the person already involved was less than satisfied was just baffling on all fronts…and backs.

My point is that Unreasonableness is easy to recognize. You know who this unreasonable person is in your circle and you know what to expect, right? (hopefully you don’t know more than one, and if you do you need new friends).

We all have that one friend. You know what I mean! The one that when you answer the phone you wished you had screened the call. One friend that always needs a ride, some money, or a listening ear that bleeds from endless hours of whining repeatedly about his/her crazy lover. It’s the same friend that is nowhere to be found when you have a problem. You can rely on this friend about as much as you can rely on a goat to recite Shakespeare.

But what if… you are that person? What if you are the one that can’t spell, but asks others to punctuate or the one with subpar sex for “one” who wants to bring another to the party?
If you are indeed -->that guy/gal<-- I sincerely hope that you have friends that tell you like it is. That is the most certain way to stay aware of your level of unreasonableness. Unfortunately everyone does not have friends that give it to ‘em straight up, no chaser.

After all we are human and, so being imperfect.
As fate would have it, my concern here is the disagreeable lover. That may be you. It may be your partner. It could definitely be the friend that drains you through your ears of your entire blood supply.
The disagreeable/unreasonable lover is one that always wants a significant other who meets a list of requirements. The unreasonable lover (UL) also likes the significant other to bring things and qualities to the table that he/she cannot produce him/herself.

I can see you now nodding your head in agreement, as if you haven’t been guilty of this in the past. None of us are immune to the UL. As a matter of fact, I will risk betting that being unreasonable is the reason at least 40% of people who will read this are single and having trouble finding or staying in a serious relationship (read: friendship as well) . (figure attained from the Institute of  the Recesses of my Brain).
Bottom line is you cannot ask someone to: 

a) provide things that you cannot first provide for yourself 

 
b) do things for the relationship that you are unwilling to do.

YFB January Issue- Style- Health n' Fitness {Dre J}

With the start of a New Year, most persons probably make the usual New Years resolution to drop the weight they acquired over the holidays.  Unfortunately somewhere around February, that resolution is quickly forgotten until Crop Over when everyone rushes to the gym to get in shape for their costumes.
Let's break that cycle for 2011 with a few tips to leading a healthier lifestyle:

Go easy on the alcohol- sad to say it has absolutely no nutritional benefits and are empty calories. Easier said than done, especially in Barbados where drinking is the national pass time when partying or socializing. Try to reduce, for example 6 beers can become 3 or 4.
Eat slower - studies have shown persons who eat slowly feel full faster than those who eat quickly, cutting out the need to be going back for 2nd's and even 3rd's which increase the calorie intake.
 

Most importantly GET ACTIVE!!!!! Everyone doesn't have to join a gym but a sedentary lifestyle is the number one reason why persons gain weight. Thirty minutes a day is a good start and believe it or not, is very effective in helping to prevent many diseases associated with obesity. Time constraints due to work and personal responsibilities are totally understandable, but your health should take priority as well. Start slow with 30 minutes a day: 25 minute walk followed by 5 minutes of skipping, ladies skipping is a great exercise to tone the calves but no matter what activity you choose always remember some exercise is better than no exercise.
 

Setting realistic goals- even though it may be cliche to say Rome wasn't built in a day, this quote happens to be true. People generally get very frustrated when they don't see results as quickly as they would like and then quit; this is exactly what you want to avoid. By setting realistic short term goals, you will slowly progress towards your overall long term goal while maintaining the confidence and enthusiasm to move forward since are seeing results as you progress.
 

Eating healthy- let’s be honest Christmas equates to over indulgence for many of us, whether it’s ham, chocolate or endless grate cake. Don't get me wrong, you should enjoy the holidays, however it doesn’t have to lead to obesity. I am by no means a nutritional specialist ( that's another 6 month course for another time) but I do know a little Maths and essentially if you burn more calories than you consume weight loss will occur. When grocery shopping, opt for healthy foods such as fruits as snacks as opposed to chips or chocolates; instead of frying, bake stew or grill your meat. Less fattening foods here and a little more fruits and salad there, and you will be on your way to a healthier lifestyle and all the benefits which accompany it.